A fellow OLGC parishioner just e-mailed me, upset that people are saying mean things about me in the comments to this news story. I won't be taking part in any church-closing-related discussions that focus on me personally, because this isn't about me, my sordid past, or my disgusting personal beliefs. I got my friend calmed down and checked it out even though another friend had warned me not to. The comments are overwhelmingly positive, and those that aren't are actually pretty mild compared to what I've come to expect from the Internet. Still, the fact that they almost invariably focus on my having been a stripper/posed nude really makes me wonder if they were planted. Yeah, if I hadn't lived through the last three days, I'd think that sounded paranoid and self-aggrandizing too. As it is, we know the archdiocese has personal dossiers on Friends of OLGC personnel and that they used unmarked police cars to track our movements for at least two days prior to the Epiphany raid (great use of police resources there). Think about it. What fact about me (A) is easy to find out, even appearing in a few of my book bios; (B) would strike sexless, sex-hating, out-of-touch types as guaranteed to scandalize the public; and (C) is often used as a kind of "code" to prevent a female-gendered person from being taken seriously (she shows off her body, therefore she must be brainless)? I would hope they have better things to do, but I wouldn't put it past Catholic Barbie Sarah Comiskey or some other archdiocesan minion to do some "detective work" by, like, looking at my website. If so, their research is faulty, but that doesn't surprise me; it's amazing how many people claim to remember seeing me strip on Bourbon Street even though I never danced anywhere in New Orleans, only in Georgia between 1989 and 1991. I'd been wondering whether this was going to happen -- somebody dishing some dishy dish on me in an effort to embarrass OLGC -- but I thought it would be the gay/transsexual thing, or drug addiction, or goth = Satanism, or even the fact that I called the archbishop a dickless babyhead ... not the (to me) utterly boring fact of my youthful nakedidity*.

And to be honest, by Catholic standards, there are some legitimate criticisms in those "mean comments." All I can say is that I have never claimed to be a good Catholic. I find succor in the celebration of the Mass and the sharing of the Eucharist, not in dogma. I am a cafeteria Catholic of the exact kind that drives strict Catholics up the wall. I'm pro-choice, which automatically excludes me from some definitions of Catholicism. I'm unapologetically queer. I think the current Pope is an asshole. Hell, I even love Life of Brian. My pastor and my parish family are Christian enough to accept me anyway. I find it sad that so many so-called "Christians" are not. I'm sorry if my becoming Catholic hurts them in some way. I didn't do it to hurt anybody. We are all flawed people at OLGC. I wish these wonderful anonymous Catholics would send me the names of their churches full of perfect people so I could go and bask in their perfection.

However, while I know I am deeply flawed, I cannot believe that trying to help protect my church and my Church from bad leadership is wrong.

I'm not a good Catholic, but I am a seeking one, and if I hadn't had this particular church to turn to when I did, I might well be dead now. Very likely some of these types would consider that preferable to my filthy self sullying "their" precious Church, but they can put it on their T.S. list and send it to the archbishop.


*nakedidity, n. M*A*S*H (used by Radar O'Reilly), "Change of Command," written by Jim Fritzell & Everett Greenbaum, season 4, episode 75, 19 Sept. 1975