ME: I just hope cisgendered people take a moment every now and then to appreciate being seen for what they are -- every day -- without having to think about it. Because it's so great.
GREY: Actually, I disagree. Because I've known a lot of effeminate men who were mistaken for women, and a lot of masculine women who --
ME (affecting great crankiness): GOD, you people JUST CAN'T DO IT, can you? You just can't let a trans person talk about being misgendered without going "WELL WELL WELL, it happens to us TOO!!!"
GREY: But it does happen --
ME (raving): I'm sure it does, but I have NEVER EVER heard a SINGLE INSTANCE of a trans person discussing misgendering without some cis person popping up to say "I got called sir/ma'am one time, so I TOTALLY GET IT!!!"
GREY (affecting smugness): Actually, I don't like the term "cisgendered." I prefer "gender-comfortable."
ME: AAARRGBLLHGFHTFHBBQ I AM FILLING OUT A BINGO CARD ON YOU MOTHERFUCKER
Which all made me realize anew: I don't know if it's down to testosterone, getting laid on a regular basis, or just having a partner who can effectively puncture my vapors and pomposities, but I am so much less angry than I used to be. That seems like a counterintuitive effect of testosterone, but maybe if my body chemistry is finally getting closer to what it was always supposed to be ... Come to think of it, most of the FTM guys I've met, both in real life and virtually, have seemed pretty easygoing.
I used to be able to write conclusions, but I can't anymore, so I'm just going to leave this here.
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Comments
I write it off to feeling that I'm me, not playing some role analogous to wearing someone else's ill-fitting shoes.
I think I just created a new phrase. Now I must go spread it. Cheers!
<3,
Jess
Yay!
I prefer "gender-comfortable."
LOL.
What I've heard is that T doesn't make you angrier, just makes you feel the anger a bit differently, and you can get rid of it a lot more quickly. I hope it'll work that way for me...you have some idea how angry I get, and as a commenter above pointed out, it is exhausting. And interferes with my enjoyment of some things.
that just starts something weird in my head every time.
The first time I got my hair cut short--from mid-back length to a bob--I said, "I want to look like a boy from the back." The stylist laughed and said, "With a behind like yours? I don't think that's possible."
Today I had lunch at a deli with a good friend, and when she was standing behind me in line she thought, "Huh, I wonder whether this dude is in line for the same thing I am, or--oh hey, it's Rose."
I still have the same narrow waist and big rear end; in fact, the rear end is probably bigger than it was when I had that first conversation. But buzzed hair trumps all.
I don't know how to put this...I've really enjoyed reading about your transition. I get very happy when I read about times like this, that you are seen for who you are. It's also been a real educational experience for me. Thanks for sharing with us.
I do. Something I've learned to appreciate, as I've learned to understand how misgendering affects my trans friends.
-Mara
Edited at 2013-02-12 04:07 am (UTC)
And seriously, I do think about that more than I used to -- a needed attitude adjustment you helped me with. Thank you.
(sharing some experiences from 10 years of trans communities or so). That is a pretty common effect of T. While some people go through an angry phase at the beginning, which has probably more to do with the menopausal/puberty effect and the whole hormonal upheaval, in general T makes them calmer. Also, the cycle pms thing is gone. And there are studies that show that women are about as aggressive as men, if not more so. It's just some victorian myth that they aren't.
So, no. It's not counterintuitive that giving you T would make you less angry.