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Just Let Me Pee

billyargh
Protip: Once you develop some confidence in your own gender presentation, it is really, really easy to embarrass strangers who misgender you. I don't do it on purpose to people who obviously mean no harm, but come on: there is no good reason to even speak to a stranger in a public restroom*, let alone challenge their presence there. A couple of years ago, this kind of shit would ruin my day, week, month. No more.

*Except possibly for negotiating restroom sex, but that's a whole other issue, and anyway you can always just employ a wide stance.

Crossposted at Dreamwidth. Comment here or there, as you will.

Comments

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
kwanboa
Dec. 31st, 2013 05:07 am (UTC)
Dude, bro, I thought this was going to be a funny story about your kitties...
the_lucky_nun
Dec. 31st, 2013 08:19 pm (UTC)
I dreamed about this situation last night, a field trip bathroom break at a McDonalds and I had to break up the resulting scuffle between a patron and one of my charges.
ryeth
Dec. 31st, 2013 10:18 pm (UTC)
People never cease to amaze me with what they say and do.

Glad you are at a place where you can let it slide off you. Only you get to decide how someone else's actions affect you, so good for you.
newdance
Feb. 3rd, 2014 07:27 am (UTC)
Glad you are at a place where you can let it slide off you. Only you get to decide how someone else's actions affect you, so good for you.


I know you mean this well, but those two statements are inherently contradictory.

If some-one is at a place (mentally, emotionally, physically) where then can have the option (whatever that means) to let such interactions "slide off", then there is naturally going to be an implication that there was a point in that person's life where "let it slide off" was not an option. As such, this means that one doesn't always decide how another's actions of words affect oneself.

Like I said, I know you mean well, I'm only trying to help cos, well, I'm going through seasonal depression right now, and to top it off, a year ago this week, I had to put down a cat who was very precious to me. Most days this last month, it's not very easy to let comments like "only you get to decide how someone's actions affect you", and there have been days this last week alone where reading that would have made the depression spiral down to a point where I simply couldn't let it slide off. I believe most people are inherently decent and want to do right by others, so I'm saying this in hopes that you'll take it with the kindness and helpful intent I meant it.
ryeth
Feb. 3rd, 2014 12:54 pm (UTC)
I am sorry that my reply struck you wrong and I'm sorry to hear about the passing of your pet. I am a pet lover myself. I certainly meant it in a kind way, and actually I meant it as a praise.

I will say though that I don't believe the sentiments are contradictory, it is simply two different reactions/situations/mindsets. There will be times when you, or anyone, cannot let things go or keep something from upsetting you. That is a part of life. It can be related to other things going on in your life, your mental state, who the hurt came from, and more. Those times are really tough. I've been there many times. But, there are also moments when you recognize the upset something causes and you are able to let it slide off rather than holding onto it. And when you can do that, it is a good thing. It's a good thing for your mind, body and soul. It is a very good thing. But, that doesn't assume you always can.
newdance
Feb. 3rd, 2014 07:42 am (UTC)
Protip: Once you develop some confidence in your own gender presentation, it is really, really easy to embarrass strangers who misgender you. I don't do it on purpose to people who obviously mean no harm, but come on: there is no good reason to even speak to a stranger in a public restroom*, let alone challenge their presence there. A couple of years ago, this kind of shit would ruin my day, week, month. No more.


Welcome to every day of your ol' pal Ruadhán, Who Apparently Made you Transition*, and his wacky life.

Of course, to make things even weirder, i didn't get much in the way of real confidence in that area until I had one of those days, months since my last haircut, and a couple nights after playing around with an old bottle of nail varnish I had found (about three years ago, now), and several people in a row just guessed right, that I was somewhere on the "male" spectrum.

At that point, I gave up on taking, even to the tiny degree that I had been, everyone's advice to "butch up", cos clearly it hadn't been working --but remembering that I wanted to be 70 Glam-era Freddie Mercury, Marc Bolan, etc..., when i was a kid *did* work, in its own weird way.

....but because, even at the gay bars, too many people still have all these weird hang-ups about how people of certain genders (especially male genders) are "supposed to look", this creates its own dimension of weirdness.

Back around Hallowe'en, i was at the local gay bar for Rocky Horror in the side room, and some cute twinky boy, after initially seeming to have decided i was female (in spite of letting the sideburns grow out for the oncoming cold weather), decided to start twerking --during with I guess he noticed my prosthetic junk (the Vixen Creations "Mr Right", which is silicone and rather huge, but i have it cos the smaller ones are cyberskin, which is latex, and I'm highly allergic to latex, apparently). Upon this discovery, he seemed to have instantly changed his mind about what I was, then seemed very curious about what I was doing there alone —of course, having not been hit on in a gay bar since that time in '05 (a couple years still pre-transition) when someone assumed i was a drag queen, I had no idea how to respond to that, and didn't even realise until two weeks later that he must've been hitting on me.

I don't know if this really "embarrassed" anyone, at least at the time, but it sure was surreal all around.


*yes, i remember you saying that ;-p
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )

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