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Needle Freak

So for the past four months I've been injecting testosterone with a tiny needle because nobody told me different. Injectable testosterone is a thick, oily substance, and I would spend ten or fifteen minutes filling my syringe each month, then have trouble getting the stuff out of the needle and into my flesh. I finally saw something (don't remember what) that clued me in, and yesterday, for my most recent shot, I used a 20-gauge needle. It filled in just moments, and once I got past the fear of shoving that huge spike into my butt cheek, it was ever so much easier to inject. I'm kind of a slow learner.

I never pass as male so well as when I'm dressed in drag. On Mardi Gras, I wore a red and gold Chinese dress and a black cartwheel hat with a veil, and all day I was sir'd and sent to men's restrooms and so on. The next day, dressed in my regular clothes, I got called "ma'am" for the first time in weeks. Go figure.

Making art tonight. Hoping to list some new crosses and boxes very soon. Also, I'm on Facebook again. (Billy Martin in New Orleans, in case that link doesn't work for you.) Feel free to friend me.

Crossposted at Dreamwidth. Comment here or there, as you will.


( 17 comments — Leave a comment )
Feb. 16th, 2013 02:09 am (UTC)
It can take a while of doing something before it finally dawns on you that there must be a better way of doing it. Unfortunately, I'm so guilty of that. My mom has to take a weekly shot of arthritis medicine, and it causes the skin to get tougher where she has to inject it. Ugh, I'd hate to have to inject myself. The few times I've had to get shots or get blood drawn was bad enough.
Feb. 16th, 2013 02:17 am (UTC)
I really, really admire you :)
Feb. 16th, 2013 02:51 am (UTC)
There really is nothing hotter than a bearded guy in girl drag. It's the whole "Fuck you, I am happy with my gender presentation" thing.
(Deleted comment)
Feb. 17th, 2013 08:37 am (UTC)
Mardi Gras pictures, please?

Coming soon!

I'm still pretty insecure about my voice and not ready to post it for the world to hear, though people do tell me it has changed.
Feb. 16th, 2013 05:04 am (UTC)
I used to run a yahoo group for transmen who crossdress, for a while it was quite active too.
Sadly I can't wear girly stuff, I have no one to help me dress.

I would to self inject but I guess the nurse doesn't think I can.
I changed to nebido(?) late last year, only had two lots of it so far.. The first nurse took at least 5 minutes to inject it, the second nurse took less than a minute but I was a little bruised or at least felt that way after the second one.

I prefer Sustanon I think but I never got my last prescription due to ever worsening supply issues
Feb. 16th, 2013 06:22 am (UTC)
Sometimes I think ppl are so self-absorbed they don't really
'look' at other ppl that well even when they are looking at them. Our daughter, age 23, is a proportionate dwarf and will be mistaken for a child no matter how she is dressed. Jeans and casual wear is more common but even if she's made up and dressed up for an evening out and looking every bit like a gorgeous young woman, there will usually be someone who mistakes her for a kid. A 'kid' in 4in heels and holding a wine glass, sometimes smoking a cigaratte, but on first glance they see a 'kid' first and that is what registers. You can imagine how in clubs and bars there are freak-outs - she finds it funny most times but makes sure to have her ID on hand to prove she is over 21.
Anyway, in this roundabout way I was trying to say that it might not be a reflection on your appearance as male as much as it is the other persons' lack of recognition bc they're not fully 'looking' at you.

Feb. 17th, 2013 08:39 am (UTC)
I think height is one of my worst "tells," so I can empathize to a degree. It's true that many people don't really look.
Feb. 17th, 2013 02:16 pm (UTC)
I think how people perceive height varies greatly. I grew up in Southern California in the '50s and '60s. I (cisgendered) was the tallest girl in my class all the way through school, right up to high school graduation, when I had reached my full 5'9-1/2". I have a picture of four female friends and me at 14, and I was nearly a head taller than any of them. By my mid-teens, I very seldom saw a woman as tall as I. I was taller than many of the boys in school, too; one of my best friends, of Filipino background, was shoulder-height to me. (He still is, in fact; we saw each other a couple of years ago.) So when I look at people, their height is generally not a factor that immediately says "male" or "female" to me.

(At 24 I moved to Minnesota, and suddenly I wasn't so tall!)
Feb. 19th, 2013 12:26 pm (UTC)
There are plenty of very short cis men in the world though. I am cis female and 5'8, and when I was in NYC I felt like a GIANT. Lots and lots of men who would be 5'2, 5'4. My best friend's former husband was five feet even, and nobody would ever have thought of him anything but male (bald, apart from anything else). So just own being a short guy. Big deal.

There is of course the terrible Short Man Syndrome where you go round getting in fights with/attempting to shag everyone in the whole world to compensate for not being tall, but I figure you've, ahem, outgrown that stage. Heh.
Feb. 16th, 2013 02:38 pm (UTC)
I think that people in the mainstream cisgendered world (that is, people who don't have trans friends and acquaintances, etc.) are far more aware of the existence of transwomen than of transmen. So if in their eyes you look even a bit male but are dressed female, they assume "man in drag."

I have no ready explanation for the dressed-in-regular-clothes instances. I have known cisgendered men of such a wide range of sizes and shapes that I don't know why someone of your appearance (from the pictures you have posted) would not be taken to be a man.
Johana Rosenberry
Feb. 16th, 2013 03:23 pm (UTC)

A few years ago i had been asked to go as a zombie prom date. The guys went as girls and the girls as guys. I stuffed a pillow in my shirt and found a cowboy hat with string tie. I looked so different that I fooled my gay co-worker, and have never felt so happy in my life. I was bummed when i had to take it off.
Feb. 16th, 2013 05:39 pm (UTC)
It reminds me of westerners hearing the Japanese R-sound, which is made by positioning the tongue midway between where English-speakers put it for R and L, so it not unnaturally sounds like something in between.

The thing is, English speakers are trained to hear either an R or an L, not an L-R sound, so when we hear that, it doesn't sound right, so the English-trained brain hears it in English words as the opposite sound to what it should be. (It also is a source of confusion for Japanese EFL writers, since they find it hard to distinguish between English L and R, for the complementary reason.) Hence 'Engrish'.

So, um, take heart that you were getting more "sirs" than you're getting "ma'ams", since that means seeing you in a dress is more dissonant than seeing you in a suit.
Amber Dwyer
Feb. 18th, 2013 06:22 am (UTC)
thanks for the add
you're like the only person i follow on here....not that i wont continue to, but fb add makes it a bit easier (altho i use tumblr as well it's more random)
Amber Dwyer
Feb. 18th, 2013 06:24 am (UTC)
oh and
may i add i know gauges and 20 is pretty....beefy sir. (oh and twitter is my dump spot not lol enough about me that's pretty....well it's certainly not dainty that's for sure!)

ps as usual punctuation makes no sense sorry.
Feb. 20th, 2013 06:54 am (UTC)
I just asked you for an add on Facebook. I sent you a note, but it went to the "other" inbox because I didn't want to pay Fb a dollar to go to your main inbox.

And I really like your profile pic. Dramatic changes in your face.

Edited at 2013-02-20 06:55 am (UTC)
Feb. 23rd, 2013 06:01 am (UTC)
Just sent you a friend request...
Apr. 1st, 2013 02:04 am (UTC)
This is an older post, but I just saw it, and wanted to say that a 22 works fine for T, no need to punish yourself with a 20.
( 17 comments — Leave a comment )

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